Life is full of little annoyances – like when the person in front of you in line won’t stop gabbing, or when the waiter mixes up your order. Sometimes, it can be more serious, like when a client is yelling at you because they’re having a bad day.
The point is that there are many events in life that we respond to by feeling frustrated. It’s normal to feel annoyance from time to time. But it’s not normal to find yourself fuming over the smallest little thing that goes wrong or to feel angry all the time. There are two ways to be happy in life 1) have people treat you the way you want (not likely) 2) Decide to respond to the people and the world in a better way.
Yes, you can be the person who either reacts to events and situations or you can have a set of “first principles” to guide you no matter what sort of chaos happens around you. Start by deciding what kind of person do you want to be seen as by yourself and others. Do you want to be the person you would look up to with admiration or the person who looks back on your actions with regret and embarrassment? The next step is to practice being that person.
That is not to say it will be easy. In fact expect it to be hard by going over in your mind the most difficult situations you can imagine in the most dignified and resourceful ways. Practice feeling frustrated or angry and calming your self. Rehearse responding to criticism know how the other person feels (even if they are wrong).
Understand, your automatic emotional responses happen outside of your conscious control, but if you have set guidelines for your behavior you are more likely to rein them in before they start creating too much chaos.
So Rule Number One is Decide, in detail, the kind of person you want to be and challenge yourself to be that person.
It’s Normal to Get Angry On Occasion
Anger was designed to be a stress response. It gets you ready to fight or flee for your life. It gets the adrenaline pumping and helps heighten the senses. You feel ready to take on anything. Readiness is useful if you have a shark chasing you down, or you need to fight off an attacker.
In dangerous situations, you need to be at your peak physically, and the adrenaline helps with that. The problem nowadays, though, is that there are a lot of situations that might cause us to feel angry, situations that are not actually life-threatening.
According to the Mayo Clinic, anger can contribute to heart disease, strokes, ulcers, and high blood pressure. So you need to get it under control if you want to remain healthy.
Should You Never Feel Anger?
No, anger can be a very positive motivator to make changes. Using that anger wisely is what matters.
The act of writing out your thoughts is cathartic. Writing allows you to clearly state your problems and reflect upon the possible solutions. You can use writing as a chance to vent your emotions without losing control and while keeping your “ideal self” in mind.
Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness is the simple act of being aware, without judgment, of what you are experiencing. Mindfulness allows you to notice your feelings and emotions without actively responding to them. It give you pause enough to decide whether your feelings should be thought of as advice or a distraction.
Meditation will also be of benefit. Start by meditating for just five minutes a day, every day. You don’t have to do anything too complicated. Try focusing on your breathing as a simple introduction to the calming effect of meditation. Breathe to the count of four, hold your breath to the count of four, exhale to the count of four.
Repeat this several times until you start to feel your mind clear and you feel calmer and more relaxed. Practice this every day, whether you feel angry or not. Breathing exercises are an excellent tool for helping you gain control of your thoughts.
Counting and breathing won’t be easy initially, but it gets better with practice. And, of course, if you’re angry, this is a great exercise to help you regain your composure.
Call a hypnotist.
Hypnosis deals directly with the subconscious mind. That includes habits, emotions and automatic reactions. David, at Eastern Oregon Hypnosis has over 20 years of experience working with people on all sorts of problems.